Society | Gender Equality

From the gender discussion to more equality - a thought experiment

"Why is it that a few weeks of crisis are enough - and we are back in a man's world? The road to equality seems longer than we thought," is how Julia Jaekel, CEO of Gruner+Jahr, formulates her thoughts for "Die ZEIT" magazine. Because: It is mainly the women at home who make sure that the children keep up with home schooling and that everyday life at home continues largely as before. Julia Jaekel's article made me think and raised some questions that I would like to share with you.

I am a successful entrepreneur and mother. And I, too, have made sure in the last few weeks that home schooling worked and still works despite all the impasses - in parallel to my demanding projects and running the network for which I am responsible. I was happy to do that. Continuously looking at what I can do and what the father can do to make the system work well. Certainly more mothers have been continuously looking after the children in the last few weeks than the fathers. We women rocked it! We can be proud of that. I would like to say that here - as a prelude, so to speak, to More.

I would like to initiate a discussion that leads us out of the gender question, out of the distribution and power struggle for careers and care times. I would like to continue the discussion starting from two elementary thoughts:

What is success?
How does a redefinition of "success" pay off in terms of more gender equality in reconciling family and work?

Let's start with the first question.

What is success?

I am sure each of you would answer this question differently. One definition of success can be: "Successful is someone who achieves set goals". Personally, I define success like this: "Success is to shape one's own life in a self-determined way and to take pleasure in it." This definition I have chosen includes three aspects:

Success is not necessarily linked to one's job or career.
Success does not necessarily mean earning a lot of money.
Shaping one's own life in a self-determined way requires a certain degree of financial independence.

What does that mean?

Firstly, work must no longer remain the sole focus of society and the central element of our value system.

In order for us to recover and develop as a society, it is important to replace work as the centre of society and the central element of our value system.

It is elementary - also in order to make progress on equality - to classify all areas as relevant, worth living in and worth shaping, which are needed for a society to function and for us to live together in (social) peace. The Corona crisis gave rise to the word "systemically relevant". Educating children is systemic. Doing this with dedication, joy and time is systemically relevant. And, if performance is remunerated with money, childcare - no matter where it takes place - must be remunerated. And to be remunerated in such a way that those who take care of the upbringing of children can achieve or maintain a certain financial independence in order to (continue to) shape their own lives in a self-determined manner.

This means:

All Child-rearing periods must be remunerated in such a way that a self-determined life remains possible for the person who takes care of child-rearing - regardless of whether it is a man or a woman.
Educator and teacher professions as well as activities in associations that look after children must be adequately remunerated. This would certainly also contribute to improving quality, because these professions and activities would become more attractive.

Secondly: Success does not necessarily have to be fought for

We still succumb to the fallacy that a high time commitment to certain things is necessary to be rewarded by success in the end. We should replace this thinking with the attitude: Quality instead of quantity. If we as a society succeed in enabling people to do what they enjoy in a self-determined way, they will be automatically with less time expenditure achieve good quality results. Things come into flow and succeed precisely because lightness is involved.

Consequently, if we succeed as a society in bringing as many people as possible to self-determined, thus to let them act entrepreneurially and thus themselves set the priorities in their lives that are important to them - in terms of content and time - more time automatically arises to reconcile work and family life.

Third: Financial independence as a prerequisite for success

In November 2019, Statista published the following: "Currently, about one in ten adults in Germany can no longer permanently pay their bills. As of 1 October 2019, an over-indebtedness rate of exactly 10 percent was measured for Germany. This means that over 6.9 million citizens over the age of 18 are over-indebted and have sustained payment problems."

Let's take a look at another figure from the Federal Statistical Office: About half of the liquidity of German households is debt-financed. This means that there is no financial independence and the division of family roles can only be freely defined between two partners if the standard of living is drastically reduced. Both partners are thus trapped in their roles.

We can assume that these figures have deteriorated significantly after the lockdown of the last few weeks and will continue to deteriorate due to the economic situation of many companies.

Thus, the financial independence of both partners is the only way to constantly redefine who takes care of the upbringing of the children and when. If we as a society are really interested in equality between men and women, we must adequately remunerate child-rearing periods like a job. And at the same time, we need to move away from linking success purely to material achievements such as career, house, car, holidays.

If we do not succeed in this, work will only serve to secure our standard of living in the long run and will manifest role distribution that takes this security into account.

This brings us to the second question I asked at the beginning.

How does a redefinition of "success" contribute to the success of gender equality in the reconciliation of family and career?

A redefinition of success broadens the view and breaks the link to professional career. This gives the distribution struggle for roles a chance to become a common togetherness. The actions of woman and man or father and mother become actions that are supported by a common goal. Equality between men and women in the reconciliation of family and work has a chance of lasting success.

This redefinition certainly becomes elementary at the time when men and women decide to have children, i.e. to become parents.

Questions such as:

"Why do we want children? How much do we want to be an active part of our children's development? How can this be reconciled with our career aspirations?"
"What fulfils each one of us?" How much time do we want to spend on this fulfilment?"
"What is our vision for ourselves as a family? When will we be happy?"
"How do each of us articulate when the chosen distribution of roles is no longer coherent for us? "What do we do to find a solution that suits everyone again?

are to be asked and answered.

Often the division of family roles is exclusively linked to the question of income and the biological proximity of mother and child. These two criteria are too few when it comes to finding a solution that meets all needs over the long period of raising children and takes into account the development of everyone in the family, including the parents. That is, Questions such as those mentioned above must always be answered together. Only then is it possible to develop roles to meet the changing needs of all family members and the changing demands of professional and private life.

What is success in a community?

Before we answer the question about the success of a community, including a family, I would like to ask you another question: How desirable is it in our demanding and fast-moving times that both parents work full time with little flexibility, the children are looked after by strangers until the evening and all household matters are either organised by strangers or taken care of in a rush after work and at the weekend, only to sink stressed in front of the TV in the evening? The most necessary things are organised via notes or WhatsApps and any deviation, however small, from the weekly plan that has been drawn up leads to minor chaos and maximum annoyance.

How desirable do you find that? For me, I can answer this question clearly. It is not a scenario that I consider desirable, nor one that I would define as a community success. But it is a realistic scenario for many families.

Let us look at the family system as a team. A team is successful when the set team goals are achieved. This implies that the individual team members subordinate personal success to team success. This succeeds when all team members are burning for the common goal and conflicting goals are openly addressed and clarified with a view to the common goal.

Conclusion

Gender equality in reconciling family and work can succeed

Equality between men and women in reconciling family and work can succeed. This requires that we steer the gender discussion away from distribution and power struggles, blame and quotas. It is elementary to broaden the perspective and redefine "success" - each for themselves and in each (family) system.

Furthermore, all child-raising periods should be remunerated in such a way that a certain financial independence of the "educators" is ensured and the chance to shape one's own life in a self-determined way is possible both as a mother and as a father.